That time a word association wrote my 3-year-old a letter


My son doesn’t get really many mail, partly given he doesn’t write a lot of letters and partly given he’s 3. So we found it peculiar a few months ago when he perceived an pouch from a Insurance Company, addressed to him, a child who not usually can’t review his final name though also has never listened of a Insurance Company. That’s one reason I’m super-envious of him. (Reason No. 2: Daily naps. Reason No. 3: Being means to eat squeezable applesauce though everybody else on a craft looking during you.)

The minute confused me, and we spent some time mulling it while we sipped my applesauce. First, it seemed doubtful that a Insurance Company didn’t know whom they were addressing. we don’t know many about word companies, joyfully, though I’m flattering certain that in a immeasurable store of believe they’ve amassed about my family’s medical history, Social Security information, genetic markers, pre-existing medical conditions and Singulair orders there’s substantially a small box noted “age.” And in that difficulty there’s substantially a littler box noted “0-5,” or during slightest a Juniors division. This classification is mostly obliged for determining that drugs my child can and can’t ingest, so we can’t know how no one’s created formula that can forestall them from addressing someone who’s batting about .400 on a whole pee-pee in a potty thing.

The minute endangered a damaged arm my son postulated on a propagandize stadium several months prior, an part involving gorilla bars and gravity. Nobody indeed saw him fall, that was a small off-putting, but, in an bid to keep viewpoint we attributed that to a fact that playgrounds are full of children climbing on bad ideas. He got X-rays, he got a cast, he got some ice cream. The bills came, and we paid them. And he’s spent a months given questioning other stadium apparatus from that he could plunge (it’s early, though a stream favorite seems to be that large steel slide).

The minute indeed didn’t come until months after a incident. It addressed my son as “Mr.” — again, this sold Mister recently came into possession of a pressed kitten he named Taco — before seeking him to fill out a petition to assistance establish either a diagnosis he perceived was a outcome of an damage or collision for that someone else competence have been responsible.

This confused me too, so we corroborated up. First, it’s a damaged arm, and I’m flattering certain a Insurance Company had entrance to that information. So yes, that’s an injury. Second, and we don’t meant to be presumptuous, though if we didn’t know what genial, infallible organizations word companies were I’d consider they were saying if they could get out of profitable for my kid’s purple expel somehow?

I had my doubts, though a minute was not addressed to me. So in a seductiveness of fairness, we review it to my son over cooking (during that he ate 20 pieces of bacon; one day I’ll be traffic with a Insurance Company about his cholesterol meds). And to be honest, he was awfully unhelpful, and answered many of a questions by opening his mouth far-reaching to uncover off some chewed-up bacon, a response we generally took as a “no.” (He also spilled chocolate divert on it.) But interjection to a questions, we did conduct to establish that: 1. He is not a solitary proprietor, 2. He was not pushing during a time and 3. He hasn’t hired an profession (which is good, as we can’t means one unless we sell Taco).

But once cooking was over, we found myself during a loss. we was uncertain what to do with a letter, other than consider of ways to promote a substantial explanation on about 6,000 things wrong with America. So while we spotless up, we left a minute on a counter, where my son grabbed it and, with a red marker, scribbled all over it, withdrawal a severe-looking and totally bullheaded mess, one we devise to mail behind to a Insurance Company initial thing tomorrow.

You can find Jeff Vrabel, a writer, @jeffvrabel and on

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