Employment Sadness: SF Couple Seeks Assistant To Do Absolutely Everything From Manicures To Instagram

maid-to-order.jpg
Still from 1987’s ‘Maid to Order’ starring Allie Sheedy.

Occasionally, Craigslist offers us a exposed glance into a universe we live in now and a intolerable private lives of a inhabitants, many as it offers us a window into a horrors of SF let properties. Today this comes around a pursuit posting that went up around 1 a.m. this morning for a personal partner in South Park that fundamentally sounds like indentured slavery and psychological woe for $25-$30 an hour, depending on your toleration of possibly of a above.

The posting comes from a 30-something integrate who report themselves as executives who have crazy work lives these days “which means that we don’t have time to contend a personal lives.” What that amounts to (and I’m going to assume a print is womanlike for reasons you’ll understand) is that this integrate has resorted to eating “unhealthy take-out and processed foods,” “personal amicable media accounts are neglected,” they don’t go on date nights since they don’t have time to open an app and make a reservation, and vacations aren’t taken since “there’s no time to devise them.” The dog needs walks and brushing. The dishes need washing. Also, “nail gloss gets chipped and stays chipped, investment opportunities go un-researched,” and “I buy uninformed flowers though don’t have time to trim daily and change a water.”

Basically their lives are complete hell, and they need someone with a litany of characteristics, sensibilities, and abilities to do their errands, shave their toenails, post to their Instagram, and attend to their each humour so that they can lay on their laptops and work work work, and hopefully go to cooking sometimes.

Now, while it’s a given that a pursuit of personal partner — generally in Hollywood! — takes a certain kind of chairman with a good understanding of patience, a debasing streak, and a high threshold for abuse, a mandate for this job, and a outline of a ideal claimant — that is unequivocally an unvarnished demeanour into this one person’s manic essence — is unequivocally flattering special:

You aren’t thespian or firmly wound, however, you’re also not idle or sloth-like (nothing opposite sloths). You’re level-headed and your friends consider we have good judgment. You’re down to earth, not cocky, humble, and always peaceful to acknowledge when you’re wrong. You aren’t too realistic to apologize. You don’t get defensive and deflect. You possess your mistakes and see them as opportunities to improve. You have certainty in yourself and nonetheless we are unequivocally empathetic, we frequency get impressed by your emotions. You aren’t thespian and we aren’t carrying unchanging melt-downs. You’re warm, welcoming, and always down for a good time. You take honour in your work peculiarity (no matter what it is — large or small) and trust all we emanate is a thoughtfulness of we and your character/abilities so we wish it to be good. You notice inefficiencies and tend to find ways to save time, streamline, or automate where we can. You’re mindful and detail-oriented. You always know where your keys are or where your wallet is since we make it a indicate to place them in a same place. You have a good memory and frequency have to contend “Oh, we forgot.” You trust that there’s a place for all and all should be in a place. You’re naturally orderly and clean. You don’t like messiness. You feel compelled to straighten equipment if they’re crooked. Aesthetics, design, and beauty in life are things that we notice and appreciate. It honestly creates we happy to assistance others and make others smile. You find it rewarding to do things for others. (If we don’t feel this way, we will possibly hatred this purpose or it will be ungainly for us since we won’t seem happy.) Your friends consider that you’re a one in your organisation who has their act together a many in terms of being responsible, responsive, and risk-averse. You take honour in operative intelligent vs. operative hard. You do things good AND we do it as fast as possible. You consistently essay for both peculiarity and speed. You like to giggle and your friends consider we can be funny. You grin and/or giggle when we tell a fun or contend something humorous (dry senses of amusement need not apply)! You caring about visible display and smoothness of your words. You suffer creation things demeanour nice. You suffer creation things smell nice. You have a kind heart and try to not be selfish. You are inexhaustible with your courtesy and love. You are a clever communicator and can tell an enchanting story. If something needs to get done, we find a way. You’re unequivocally gentle with record and devices. You use your smartphone all a time. You use your laptop all a time. Google is your best friend. You take honour in how we demeanour — whatever that “look” or character might be for you. At a same time, we also wish to be unsentimental and organic (e.g., you’re “bohemian chic” though equivocate a hulk wedges that will forestall we from hustling around town, you’re “cool hipster” though don’t wear a super parsimonious jeans that won’t leave we room in your pockets to reason my dog’s potty bags, you’re totally “minimalistic modern” though equivocate a white on white demeanour so you’re not fearful to get unwashed when cooking, etc.)

And that’s not all!! The joining is fundamentally 7 days a week, with on-call compulsory 24-7 for “urgent” matters. And you’re compulsory to float into a sea if a dog ever swims out too far, to fetch him. You also had improved suffer giving mani-pedis, have a good clarity of style, watch Game of Thrones, work out frequently when you’re not given to this couple’s each need, and not splash some-more than FIVE DRINKS PER WEEK. It doesn’t even compensate as good as this $175K/yr gig that a abounding Noe Valley integrate was charity final year.

REQUIREMENTS:
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* Written and oral English denunciation FLUENCY
* Able to contend despotic confidentiality
* No smokers (cigarettes, marijuana, other)
* No complicated drinkers (max of 5 drinks per week)
* No drug users
* No past rapist record
* Must adore dogs and animals
* Valid drivers permit (car will be supposing if required for work) with knowledge pushing in SF
* Experience with GSuite, MSOffice, Adobe Suite
* Experience with MacOS and iOS (computer and phone will be provided)
* Touch typing 60+ WPM
* Prior knowledge as dog owners
* No injuries or earthy constraints that would block your ability to file furniture, lift a 40 lb dog adult several flights of stairs, lift complicated grocery bags or luggage, etc.
* Able to float good in a sea (dog likes swimming; we might need to get him when he goes out too far)
* Able to strengthen a dog from being pounded by another dog
* Willing and happy to purify adult occasional dog puke and/or diarrhea

BONUS POINTS:
———————-

* Multilingual
* Experience as a personal/executive assistant
* Experience with a high-maintenance dog (long haired, allergies, etc.)
* Experience with prolonged hair in ubiquitous (you have prolonged hair and know how to brush tangled hair but causing pain)
* You are a good prepare and know how to make both rich, tasty vs. lean, healthy dishes
* Enjoy giving manicures/pedicures
* Well-traveled
* Experience in high-end/luxury sell or liberality industry
* Good eye for pattern and style
* Prior knowledge reviewing and negotiating contracts
* Prior knowledge with home redesign, remodel, executive management
* Physically clever
* Lift weights and/or tinge as practice
* Practiced in self invulnerability or fighting styles (you can strengthen someone who is in danger)
* You like conform
* You watch GoT and/or Silicon Valley
* Former or stream aquarium owners (know how to set adult a tank and emanate an ecosystem)

And (Jesus Christ), they ask as partial of a focus routine that we write an email describing how you’re both ideal for a pursuit and imperfect, and “record and insert a 5 min video of we responding ALL of a following: What did we like about this posting? Confirm if this posting relates to we 100% (including celebrity description, qualifications, schedule, responsibilities, etc.)… Can we prepare us tasty food? What else should we know about you? ” and more.

Are these a misfortune people in San Francisco? Should we take this as an instance of what New San Francisco hath wrought on this city where once on a time a fun was “San Francisco is where immature people go to retire”?

I’m going to contend no, since a) I’m certain there’s someone worse, and b) maybe this pursuit posting came out of a mind of an intensely stressed, bustling chairman who believes in a sorcery of illusory servants like Mary Poppins and Pepper Potts, and who unequivocally only needs a Xanax and a bottle of booze before she hurts someone.

Know anybody with positively 0 honour or self-worth who really, unequivocally needs a job? Bonus points if they have no life of their possess and are peaceful to perform passionate favors for one or a other half of this integrate when a other is too bustling promulgation emails.

Related: Extremely Fancy Noe Valley Rich People Seek $175K Pantry Organizer

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